The value of emotional reactivity is that it clearly signals the need for emotional healing processes and authentic adulthood initiations.
- Clinton Callahan, Possibility Coach
I used to think reactivity meant that I blow up when someone says something that upsets me and then I get really mad and upset (emotional anger).
And yes, that is one aspect of reactivity.
Now I discover that reactivity is much more: if I don't act at all because no one has asked or invited me to and because I always need a request or invitation to be able to act, then I'm also reactive. I react to a stimulus / I do not react because there is no stimulus....it is the same!
If I do not act reactively, I act out of myself, because it is my need to act, to talk, to set a limit.
With acting - and not reacting - the motor is the necessity in me, and I can sense it in all my 5 bodies.
Emotional reactivity comes in six flavors!
We are saying that it is possible for you to IMMEDIATELY detect which kind of Reactivity you (or anyone else!) is having and to respond usefully.
Once you understand how these 6 SOURCES OF REACTIVITY cause the upsets in your life (or in other people's lives), the way to take back your energy and attention from Reactivity becomes obvious and helpful.
Learning to choose healing and transformation instead of indulging in Reactivity can create an astonishing difference in the quality of your life and relationships.
In Possibility Management we use the term 'Box' to refer to your automatic psychological defense strategy that stands as a giant filter between your Being and the world . Your Box determines everything you can perceive and everything you can express.
Buttons are designed into the surface of your Box as survival strategy reaction patterns. At first they were probably useful for your survival. But now you can make more effective and intelligent decisions about how to handle possible threats.
Buttons are automatic reactions. They get pushed - even unintentionally - by another Box that has a different shape than your Box (different rules, habits, assumptions, expectations, decisions, etc.)
When you are with people who irritate you, your Buttons get pushed.
Anybody can push your Buttons.
Watch the Gremlins of children push the Buttons on their parents' Boxes over and over, just for entertainment.
The way to notice that your reactivity is coming from one of your Buttons being pushed is to use non-judgemental Self Observation. You split off a piece of your attention to notice what you are noticing, and also to notice what you are noticing with.
Sooner or later you will find the Button by recognizing the repeated emotional reactivity in the same circumstances. When you notice it, write it down immediately in your Beep! Book. Each Button you find and deactivate is key to a treasure chest of a more wonderful life.
STRATEGY: The way to deactivate a Button is to redesign that part of your Box. Redesigning your Box can take place through any number of authentic adulthood initiatory processes, but all of them have one element in common: your Box will go through a Liquid State while its shape is reordering.
If there is no Liquid State, there is no change.
You are designed to redesign your Box and change its purpose from Defensive to Expansive ever since you were 18 years old, but each time it can feel like the 'Death and Resurrection Show'.
Box redesign processes are provided in Possibility Labs and during Possibility Coaching, Possibility Mediation, Possibility Psychology, and Memetic Engineering Processes.
Hooks are darts of insult or implication sent by one Gremlin to another Gremlin as a stimulus to initiate an emotional reaction that starts a Gremlin Feeding Frenzy.
Your best tool and ally for detecting Hooks being sent at you is your own Gremlin. You can give him (or her...) the job of watching out for Hooks being sent at you and keeping you Unhookable.
No one can become Unhookable for you.
More interestingly, no one can stop you from becoming Unhookable.
A Hook is detectable by its purpose. Every thought, word, and deed is accompanied by a purpose, even if that purpose is unconscious. You can easily detect the purpose of each action as it is made using your Purpose Sniffer.
The primary procedure for vanishing Hooks is to to keep your Center, use your Sword Of Clarity to stay in contact while letting the Hook slide by, and holding up your Disk Of Nothing so the Hook does not go into your Box or Gremlin but rather vanishes into the void.
The other primary way is to keep your Gremlin on a short leash, put him on a conscious Gremlin Food diet program which includes giving him radically responsible jobs to do for you that your Box is too afraid to do, and do not let him send out any Hooks at other Gremlins...
A 'Trigger Phrase' is something you say to yourself that opens the front door to your all night café so any hungry entity who happens to be wandering by can come in and devour the life energy out of your Being. Typical Trigger Phrases can be something like: "No one sees me." Or, "They get rewarded and I do not." Or, "I am excluded again." Or, "What I offer is not good enough." Etc...
After you say the Trigger Phrase to yourself and the entities are sucking out your life energy you feel depressed, tired, weak, and completely uninspired. You do not feel much like seeing anybody at all. You would rather be left alone in your bed for a long time.
This listless, lifeless, loveless condition may last for a few days up to a few weeks, until the entities get full and drift away in a stupor. That is when you suddenly wake up. Within an hour or so you get your energy back and you wonder, "Hmmm... What was that? Oh, well. It probably won't happen again..." And it does not happen again, until you say another Trigger Phrase to yourself.
Feeding entities with your precious life energy is a common survival strategy that works by disempowering yourself. When you are weak and confused, you do not pose a challenge to anyone. You are no longer dangerous, so they do not have to kill you, and, Voila! You are safe.
Staying weak and confused could have been helpful in your childhood, but after 18 years old this strategy is destroying your life.
The way out is to become a Trigger Hunter. Complete instructions for becoming a Trigger Hunter are given in S.P.A.R.K.135 and on the Trigger Hunter website.
No one can become a Trigger Hunter for you.
More interestingly, no one can stop you from becoming a Trigger Hunter.
The game can change from being the hunted to being the Hunter... your choice.
4. EMOTIONAL TRAUMAS
The concept of being 'retraumatized' can only make sense if you use the Old Thoughtmap of Feelings where there are three negative, bad, or dangerous feelings (anger, sadness, and fear) and only one 'good' feeling: joy.
The mind has the capacity to 'understand' concepts that have no relationship to reality. (You might want to inspect your memetic structure for these.)
You have incompletely experienced and unexpressed emotions from all the things that happened to you in our past while living in a feelings-phobic mind-centered culture. These Emotional Wounds are valuable gateways for an Emotional Healing Process that brings new parts of your Being to life.
You can leave behind the identity of being a 'wounded person' through participating in authentic adulthood initiatory processes and Emotional Healing Processes such as those delivered in Possibility Labs, Possibility Coaching, Possibility Mediation, Possibility Psychology, Memetic Engineering, and 3 Phase Healing.
If you experience physical symptoms that are not fully healed through physical doctors (MDs), energetic healers, or psychologists, perhaps it is time to heal the emotional elements of your condition. Then you might want to explore what is possible through the Feelings Practitioners.
It is true that Buttons, Hooks, Triggers, and Traumas usually include a verbal component that you could call 'voices in your head'. However, each kind of voice comes with its own characteristic telltale signs that indicate which sort of Reactivity the Voices originate in. In addition, there is a kind of pervasive background Reactivity originating in Voices alone.
First let's describe how voices might accompany the other forms of Reactivity:
The additional Voices that we are referring to hear are not your own voice. They are voices from external authority figures that were dominant during the time you were assembling the components of your childhood survival strategy (your Box). For you Box to function properly, it had to take into account the existence of these authoritative voices in your environment. The easiest and most common way to do this is to incorporate these external voices into your Box and make their presence normal. You build these voices into your Box design, similarly to the way you built your Buttons into your Box design. Then, as long as you hear these voices in your environment, your survival strategy functions. Eventually your circumstances change. You move away from parents, caretakers, and schoolteachers and the external sources of these voices fade away. Not to worry! Your Box takes over and keeps repeating the Voices to you to assure you that your defense strategy can still function and you continue to survive. These are the Voices we are talking about. Your Box conjures them up out of the Parent Ego State of your past and the Voices praise you or blame you, as was normal then. But the actual sources of these voice are long gone, your circumstances have changed, and you have learned other ways to take care of yourself more consciously so that you are actually able to live and need not remain in mere survival.
But how do you get rid of these pesky Voices? They are like little vampire bats - ghosts in the machine - fluttering around your head trying to get you to believe in them so they can bite into your neck, suck out a bit of your life energy, and diminish your power so you survive.
The way to get rid of them is with your Voice Blaster.
Your Voice Blaster is a handy tool that has been at the back of your Toolbelt ever since your were born.
Why haven't you used it before? Because no one ever told you it was there waiting for you.
But we are telling you about it now.
Now is the time.
From now on, for the rest of your life, whenever one of these Voices comes fluttering around you, you can draw out your Voice Blaster, aim it, pull the trigger, and put your Voice Blaster back in its holster, before you even touch your Voice Blaster. You are that fast. The Voice Blaster never misses its mark, and never runs out of blast power. From now on, the only conversation you ever need to have with a Voice is, "Blam! Pang! Zappo!"
For additional information and Experiments for using your Voice Blaster, please visit the Voice Blaster website.
When your Physical Body experiences certain imbalances such as low blood sugar (hunger), weird hormonal combinations during your period, protein deficiency, lack of water, not enough sleep, stresses from over exertion, jet lag, lack of exercise, illness, or accident, etc., you may experience emotional reactivity.
Less visible forces can also cause Physical Body imbalances such as your horoscope (both Western and Chinese), the season of the year, culture shift - as in traveling suddenly from one culture to another, the phase of the moon, your biorhythms, change of seasons, change in atmospheric pressure, temperature or humidity, change of diet, allergens in the air, etc.
The clue that you might be experiencing Physical Imbalance Reactivity is that the reactivity comes on sideways, that is, from no apparent stimulus. The reactivity appears more gradually than with Buttons, Hooks, Triggers, Traumas, or Voices, but not always.
Some people when they get hungry, for example, turn from civilized geniuses into raving monsters within a few seconds. Is this you?
If none of the other Emotional Reactivity sources seem to make sense, assume the source is Physical Imbalance, then stop everything else until you have taken better care of your physical self.
More often than most people notice, physical symptoms do not change even after treatments from:
Failure to heal can occur when the root cause is not addressed, for example, when the wound or imbalance exists in the Emotional Body. What is required then are Emotional body healers. These are the Feelings Practitioners.
Incomplete emotions, suppressed emotions, mixed emotions, or emotions stored where they should not be can all cause serious physical imbalances if untreated.
Emotional Body healing processes and certification in the emotional body healing arts are available through Feelings Practitioner programs.
NOTE: To understand more about Ego States please pop over to http://egostate.mystrikingly.com.
In short, during your daily life, you shift obliviously between your 6 Ego States. If you do not navigate consciously to serve Bright Principles then your unconscious nature prevails and you serve Shadow Principles.
You are designed to become aware of what you are up to and why.
Not gaining conscious Choice about which Ego State you are feeding has dire consequences.
These distinctions may help you take back your life:
Living in the distinction between
Proactive Presence and Reactive Emotionality
requires actual practice, above and beyond mere understanding.
It can help you to know that:
No one can practice for you.
More interestingly, no one can stop you from practicing.
Since the outcome of each practice effort is unknown, each practice session is an Experiment.
Becoming a 'Reactivity Experimenter' may require you to Shift Identity.
Become a Reactivity Experimenter
Matrix Code: REACTIVI.01
If you are not an Experimenter in relation to Reactivity, then you have no Gap between being Reactive and any other possible way of being.
If you have no Gap then you are like a piece of driftwood in the ocean, thrown helplessly about by the waves, rather than a catamaran sailboat able to skim across the waves in any direction you please because you have added a rudder and a keel onto your shape, and you have practiced handling the ropes that control the set of your sails. Without those changes, a catamaran is just a piece of driftwood! You can make these structural changes in yourself through Experimenting.
NOTE: Using a capital 'E' in the term 'Experimenter' means
This Experiment is: for three times each day, all week long, whenever you see your reflection in a mirror, a store window, etc., you stop and look straight in your own eyes for 60 seconds and shift identity by saying out loud (yes, out loud), "Hello Reactivity Experimenter! Hey! I see an amazing Reactivity Experimenter there! Look world! Here is a new Reactivity Experimenter! My Reactivity Experimenting begins NOW. And NOW. And NOW... Even looking in my eyes and saying this stuff to myself is being a Reactivity Experiment!" etc.
You will can be sure you are successfully doing this Experiment of Shifting Identities when you will feel a little GAP open up between your two identities! The Gap is a space of no identity between your 'Box-identified / Box-defending IDENTITY', and your 'I am a Reactivity Experimenter with Nonlinear Possibility' IDENTITY. Both are identities. Neither is right or wrong, good or bad. What you get by shifting identity is access to the Gap between the two identities. This Gap is wildly useful.
(If you do not experience an Energetic Gap opening up inside of you between the two identities, IN WHICH THERE IS NO IDENTITY, then you are merely thinking about shifting identity but you are not actually shifting identity to Reactivity Experimenter...)
See how long (in seconds, in minutes, maybe even in hours) you can keep the Gap open when you are identified as, "I am a Reactivity Experimenter with a Gap," rather than being identified only as, "I am the Reactivity. There are no other options. The Reactivity is the only reality."
This is such a very important beginning.
You can do this. You can make and hold this Gap in identity for yourself.
No one can do this for you.
No one can stop you from doing this.
An entirely new (and more interesting...) world awaits you when you can create and hold a Gap In Identity - as well as your new identity as a Reactivity Experimenter - as a new Split Attention quality of awareness in your ongoing daily life.
Become Reactive On Purpose
Matrix Code: REACTIVI.02
Dedicate one or more of your online-or-offline Team meetings (for example, your Study Group, S.P.A.R.K. Experiment Circle, Research Team, Possibility Team, Whole Permaculture Team, Rage Club, Fear Club, 3 Cell, Safe Circle, Riftwalker Team, Edgeworker Team, Growness Team, Trainer Path Team, Whole Permaculture Team, New Refugees Circle, Village Seeds Circle, Earth Guardians Circle, Village Weavers Circle, Evolutionaries Circle, Gameworld Builders Circle, Possibility Coaches Circle, Possibility Mediators Circle, Possibility Psychologists Circle, Memetic Engineers Circle, etc. ) to doing the following Experiment in order to gain more practical awareness about Reactivity:
Practice Having Unfair Conversations
Matrix Code: REACTIVI.03
We define a 'FAIR CONVERSATION' to be when both you and your conversation partner are grounded in the Adult Ego State.
In a Fair Conversation you have your Parts collected, your Survival Strategies made optional, and your available resources available in a Centered, Grounded, Bubbled, small NOW Present to contribute. You have your Attention, your Conscious Will, your Nonlinear imagination, your Unreasonability, your 7 Core Skills, your 13 Tools, your Conscious Gremlin, your Bright Principles, your Archetypal Lineage. Then you creatively collaborate in a Winning Happening game, often by Negotiating 5 Body Intimacy Journeys.
We define an 'UNFAIR CONVERSATION' to be when one of the conversation partners is NOT in the Adult Ego State.
Where are they if they are not in the Adult Ego State? They have so many channels to choose from!
We define an 'INSANE CONVERSATION' to be when neither conversation partner is grounded in the Adult Ego State. This circumstance can only manifest as Low Drama Armageddon, a Gremlin feeding frenzy... in other words, a war.
If you are ever in any kind of emotional, energetic, intellectual, or physical war, this is what is going on.
What can you do then? Take the space into breakdown.
How can you do that? The answer to this is Wizard technology, but I will tell you anyway, just in case you are a Wizard and you need to know:
Detect The Sensations Of Reactivity
Matrix Code: REACTIVI.04
Immediately identify and name it out loud by saying "This is a Low Drama," in the instant any situation enters the domain of Low Drama. Use your Low Drama Detector (Rrrrrrrrrr! Rrrrrrrr!) to publicly identify Low Dramas:
If the distinctions of Radical Responsibility, Low Drama/High Drama, Gremlin, Emotions/Feelings, the Map of Reactivity, evolution of consciousness, etc. are not solidly established in the Context of the Gameworld, then it is a Gremlin Gameworld.
What are YOU doing there? Take it into breakdown.
Use Your Sword Of Clarity: Set Adult Context
Matrix Code: REACTIVI.05
If is not an Adult or Archetypal conversation, then it is a Reactivity conversation.
Then no Fair conversation possible.
The only conversation to have in a Reactivity Space is these 3 Questions. We suggest you memorize them:
Go Possibility Couchsurfing
Matrix Code: REACTIVI.06
After being in Expand The Box training, register yourself at http://possibilitycouchsurfing.mystrikingly.com and plan your next journey so that you can visit several Possibility Managers from different cities, states, countries and cultures. Before you begin your travels, explain to your host that you are doing Experiment REACTIVI.05 from StartOver.xyz and that your intention is to avoid ALL Reactivity from Buttons, Hooks, Triggers, Traumas, Voices, or Imbalances while you are visiting with them. Make a Pirate Agreement with them to help each other do whatever it takes so you fulfill your intention. Write down your Self Observations in your Beep! Book.
Practice Exchanging Emotional Healing Processes With Your Team
Matrix Code: REACTIVI.07
One of the most amazing possibilities of regularly participating in online-or-offline Team meetings (such as Study Group, S.P.A.R.K. Experiment Circle, Research Team, Possibility Team, Whole Permaculture Team, Rage Club, Fear Club, 3 Cell, Safe Circle, Riftwalker Team, Edgeworker Team, Growness Team, Trainer Path Team, Whole Permaculture Team, New Refugees Circle, Village Seeds Circle, Earth Guardians Circle, Village Weavers Circle, Evolutionaries Circle, Gameworld Builders Circle, Possibility Coaches Circle, Possibility Mediators Circle, Possibility Psychologists Circle, Memetic Engineers Circle, Mage Training Circle, etc. ) is for a period of from 2 to 4 weeks, arrange with a small sub-Team of 4 or 5 co-members that WHENEVER an emotion arises, you immediately call up 2 of them so they can Navigate the appropriate Emotional Healing Process for you.
What helps both you and them be more skilled and prepared to benefit from Emotional Healing Process includes:
Nothing will substitute for your own healing and personal development. No one can do it for you. No one can stop you from doing it. Yes... it involves doing something different.
NOTE: This website is a Bubble in the Bubble Map of the free-to-play, massively-multiplayer, online-and-offline, thoughtware-upgrade, matrix-building, personal-transformation, adventure-game called StartOver.xyz. It is a doorway to experiments that upgrade your thoughtware so you can relocate your point of origin and create more possibility. Your knowledge is what you think about. Your thoughtware is what you use to think with. When you change your thoughtware, you go through a liquid state as your mind reorganizes itself. Liquid states can bring up transformational feelings and emotions. By upgrading your thoughtware you build matrix to hold more consciousness and leave behind a low drama life of reactivity. No one can upgrade your thoughtware for you. More interestingly, no one can stop you from upgrading your thoughtware. Our theory is that when we collectively build 1,000,000 new Matrix Points we will change the morphogenetic field of the human race for the better. Please choose responsibly to read this website. Reading this whole website is worth 1 Matrix Point. Doing any of the experiments earns you additional Matrix Points. Please use Matrix Code REACTIVI.00 to log your Matrix Point for reading this website on StartOver.xyz. Thank you for playing full out!